Strength

I have always viewed strength as never giving up.  I viewed a strong person as someone who keeps pushing throught no matter what life throws at them.  Through this experience I have redefined what strength means to me.

Strength does not always manifest itself in the sense of not giving up.  Sometimes strength is the abiliy to take control of a situation; the ability to stand up for oneself.  Strength is the ability to try something new knowing that it may or may not work out.  Strength is being satisfied with an experience even when it's not what you expected.  Strength is being the bigger person and walking away with your head held high.

With that being said, I have had the strength to make the decision to come home.  I was hopeful that being changed to Matium was the solution to the problems I had been having.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  Yesterday was the worse day I have had since coming here.  I have never felt more disrespected or taken advantage of then I did yesterday.  My cotacher, who was also from America, did not view me as a valuable asset to the classroom.  To him, I was just some kid who had to prove herself.  I was just someone to make his job easier but taking on majority of the work.  I was disrespected in front of my students and that is not something I will stand for or allow to happen again.

I am the type of person that HATES confrontation.  However, after my experience here I have discovered that sometimes confrontation is needed.  It doesn't need to be a screaming match or pointing blame, but when no one will tell you how they truly feel to your face problems arise.  Miscommunication has been the foundation of so many of my problems here.  This is something easily fixed; simply communicate with me! Talk to be about the good, the bad, and the ugly of my teaching.  Talk to me to help me improve; give me constructive feedback.  Sadly, that is not part of the culture here.  Everyone has to keep face and smile and nod at any question that is asked.  If this wasn't the case, maybe my experience would had turned out differently.  

I do not know what the future holds for me back home.  But I do know I have the total support of my family and friends.  This wasn't an easy decision but the one that I truly believe is best for me.  

For a reason that I do not know at this time, staying here for an extended time was not part of God's plan for me.  I am hopeful and excited to see what else He has in store for me this upcoming year.  Plese keep me in your prayers as my new job search has begun!