And Then There Was One

The Gannon group left today after lunch to spend a few days in Bangkok before heading home.  The retreat house is empty with me being it's only occupant.  The kitchen has been cleaned, and the locust seem extra loud tonight.

I have not felt homesick until now.  I knew this would happen when the group left.  I went from having multiple people to hang out with to having one contact in my phone and feeling lonely.  I am doing my best to stay positive.  I know the Gannon group leaving does have its perks.  The other foreign teachers will begin to respect me more now that my security blanket is gone and I will be foreced to be more independent.  My inner strength is going to be tested and hopefully I pass.  

While teaching has gone pretty well this week, it has been a tough week emotionally.  If you're unaware, my grandma has been fighting cancer for around three and a half years.  When I left home two weeks ago, the plan for her care was a surgery.  Since then, my grandma has decided not to have the surgery and has begun to receive in-home hospice care.  I am happy for my grandma that she is finally comfortable and not in pain and respect her decision.  When I found out, I was ready to pack up my bags and get on the next plane home.  There's still a part of me that wants to head home becuase of this but I know I am making my grandma proud by being here and that she doesn't want me to come home and miss out on this opportunity.

I had support right next door to help me process the news and talk through my options.  While I still have the support, they are no longer a few feet away.  The closest I can get to a face-to-face conversation is skype or facetime.  I feel very lonely right now.

Not only did I tell myself this would happen at this part in my time here, but others warned me about this too.  I'm hoping to kick this feeling quickly and start to feel at home again. I've felt homesick before but never quite like this.  Being surrounded by more people who I can't speak with than people who do speak English is tricky and frustrating when I don't have English speaking friends all around experiencing the same thing and feeling as me.

When you read this post please say a prayer for me.  I'm not throwing in the towel and I'm not giving up.  This is just a speed bump on my way to success.